I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
