I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you made out with another girl for some wings
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
