when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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