he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
