I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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