i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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