she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
