If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
