So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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