i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
