OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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