The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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