I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
