you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Cover your peen. We're going out.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
