Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
