i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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