Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
