this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
