i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
