so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
