Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
