Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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