So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
