When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
