threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
