OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
