nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize