she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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