I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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