my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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