When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
