So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize