I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
