I'm going to jail i love you
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
