Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
