i think my tv is drunk
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
