I love black thongs
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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