can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
