the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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