there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
