my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
