Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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