i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
