Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
