Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
