In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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