I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
please come you make the beer taste better
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
