I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I see more hoeing in ur future
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