in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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