I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
