Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
