my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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