weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
