I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
