dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
