Im at strip club and am horny
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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