He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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