I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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