i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We are two peas in an std pod
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
