Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
