im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
