ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
it glows. i had to have it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Randomize
