Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
