My balls are so social today.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
